Friday, December 30, 2016

I Want to Remember...

...conversations with Iz..Me: "What kinds of things do you think you'll want to do when you're bigger?" Her: "Eat more salt in the summer." Ha! I know which book she got that from.

...having at home ice cream cones for the first time and Iz leaning over offering O little licks while sitting together at their little picnic table. not shut myself down from others when I am having a hard time.

...that it will all continue to work out as it should, as it has, as it will, as it always does.

Those above from seven or so months ago....and now some more...

...the way O said, "my baby? my baby?" with excitement after seeing Iz open hers on Christmas and her joy at seeing her own when she unwrapped it.

...all of the times Iz will sit and just swap kisses with me over and over again while we soak each other up. Days can sometimes be hard, but those moments easily wipe the hard parts of the day from my memory.

Tuesday, December 20, 2016

Dreams Creeping In With Their Bittersweet Ways

Snowing and Sewing
Just last week I was musing on how it is hard to find time for self care as a mother, but just as soon as I did, things shifted. Isn't that how it typically goes? O started throwing out phrases like, "Daddy read!" and "My bed!" and when asked if she wanted to have milk on the couch and to then join Daddy and Sis for reading time and to sleep in her bed in there, she gave us a big, "YES!" and there has been no looking back. Now, nearly a week later I am getting used to having more hours of free time in the house and more time to take care of myself and home responsibilities. She still wakes up for milk once in the night and then in the early hours of the morning, but this is a big shift for us. One that is welcome even if it's a bit bittersweet as she's also started helping herself to the potty a few times a day and talking more and more and wanting to sit without a booster at the table and just generally growing up very quickly as she prepares to turn two in February. As we've decided to not welcome anymore children into our family at this time, this feels like an even bigger shift than the first time as we enter into this next phase.

This next phase. This coming year. We are thrilled to have it before us with no big changes to be expected. No saying goodbye to beloved pets, no leaving jobs, no starting jobs, no having babies, no selling or buying houses. Just a good ol' regular year settling into our new home and that is just what we plan to do - to settle in and build on our dream for this home while seeing what it feels like to just BE together. We will start with building our big garden, a sandbox, compost bins and a playhouse and then build from there in the years to come. We will also continue making changes to reduce our waste and to live more and more frugally, while focusing on our time as a family out in nature above all else. This all feels right and it all feels really exciting. 

And the other day? We received our first dusting of snow and while E and the girls went out to explore and start a fire in the pit, I stayed in puttering around my sewing space and planning out some projects to come. When we first looked at this house I laughed at the idealizing of it all as I stood there with E and our realtor and dreamed aloud about sitting back there sewing while the girls played out back and it's quite a treat to see some of that unfolding in small doses, and with the holidays and these busy first months in our new home about to be behind us and a sleeping baby and new year on the horizon I am excited to get back to my fabric bins and create all of the things that have been on my mind waiting to come out as we made it through those times that were busy by necessity, but draining too. Now we move away from that and back to filling up our cups with the things that make us feel most like us. Mmmmmm. It's so good to be here and only going to get better as we continue to help our hopes for our lives unfold.  

Sunday, December 11, 2016

Taking Care of Me So I Can Take Care of The Rest

My favorite way to spend time as a family.
Pretty view at my craniosacral therapist's office.
Self care. Not such an easy thing to come by as a mom of small kids, but something I need to prioritize more than ever. A few months ago I discovered my health scares and concerns all tied into having a condition called Silent Reflux. It sounds fairly innocent but can be pretty dangerous if left to wreak havoc on your esophagus and that scares me, especially after some of the problems I've had with it. When you've struggled with something that you discover can turn into a very severe condition it shakes you up a bit. Things started to improve when I made changes, they got so much better, but then I slipped and slid and didn't keep it as a priority and it's at a really bad place again. 

Priority is the important word here. Being a stay at home mom and homeschooling family means that there aren't any daytime hours for me to hustle and plan and squeeze in some fitness by myself. It means a lot of juggling and just making it work, at least right now, at these young ages. That leaves me with those couple of hours at night to squeeze in whatever needs my attention after the girls are in bed and that often means picking and choosing between self care, projects, simplifying, settling into our new home, socializing, writing, budgeting, food prep, and you get it. There are a lot of things calling for my attention but none of those things will be getting my attention if there is no me, so for now, me. 

That's how it needs to be at least. Structure and schedules don't come naturally to me, but I do thrive on them, so that might have to mean planning my days and nights out a little more for now and just making it all happen so that I can be the best version of myself and live a long full life in my best health. When I feel like this I feel exhausted, my stomach is messy, I stumble over words reading to my girls due to my hoarse and cloggy throat, my energy is low, anxiety is high, I feel bloated and gunky all around and I'm definitely not getting enough sleep. I noticed these things changed drastically when I made changes before and I need to remember to honor myself enough to keep those changes in place once they start helping again so I don't end up back here. I deserve that and my family deserves that. 

So, now to plan out meals, find a new planner for 2017 as my big scratched up 2016 one is almost through, follow the silent reflux food rules and keep a food diary for awhile to figure out my worst triggers - I already know spicy, chocolate and tomato based products do me in and bring the congestion back, find a way to get more exercise in and just do all that needs doing while knowing it will all be worth it. This is going to be another big year of growth and change as we recalibrate in a new place and keep steering our family life in our preferred direction and that means me being my best self in order to make that happen. 

There are new gardens to build, settling in to be done, art to make and tiny little hands to hold in my own while we explore the world together. Let that last one be my biggest motivation. 


Over There

I've been over here from time to time:

Scratchity scratch that. As much as I love fresh slates I really like this old one. It's going to take me some time to tinker around with old posts and clear the drafts and republish old drafts after editing them to my new likings (for a bit more anonymity) but I'm sticking around because nothing makes me feel all the feels like reading through these old words here from way back when and having them all in one place. Please bare with me as I get it all aligned.