Wednesday, November 4, 2015

What it Feels Like

I know what it feels like to run barefoot through dew covered grass, no fences to stand in my path.

I know what it’s like to burn trash in barrels atop cinderblocks.

I know how it feels to stack cords of wood and to be warmed by their burning as the snow covers the pump and the pines with an equal dumping of snow.

I know what it feels like to collect tomato worms in jars, sit gazing at cows grazing, ride propane tanks like horses and lounge on a boulder beneath a mimosa tree with nothing but a clear blue sky beyond it’s fluffy branches.

I know what it’s like to unearth treasures forgotten long ago in sheds, off-the-beaten-path piles, or from the very soil I walked upon.

I know what it feels like to stand outside of glowing warm windows and to look up at nothing but the blackest sky with the brightest and most abundant starts.

I know how it feels to be safely tucked under quilts inside while hearing a howl from the woods and feeling goosebumps pop up on my skin.

And also I know how it feels to be back in the tub and hear someone holler that another snake’s gotten in the front door.

I know the hard work that comes with feeding animals day in and day out and keeping them healthy and keeping their water from freezing over when the temperatures drop.

I know the satisfaction that comes from a day of using your body fully and with love and despite the new stumbling blocks that come with each new day.

I know so much and I know so little and I want some clarity on what I want even though maybe I know, but then again I don’t think I do, but then maybe?

With time, without pressure, with staying open and staying true. My heart, my life, my girls and my guy. Really all I want is them, fully, and plenty of time outside and creating and with friends and with things about as basic but as fulfilling as they go. With that it feels pretty clear, but longing will always remain.

Hmm. We’ll see. We will. At some point. Always. And not always forever. But for now.

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