Thursday, February 28, 2013

Slice of Life: Take 7

 powdered dogs / big fat flakes / more snow than we have had in a long while / silly and wonderful cat

This week has been a weird one, but a good one too. Yesterday was my birthday and while I was looking forward to it and it was enjoyable for the most part, I was just off all day and didn't do the best job of making the most of it. It's okay though, for there is always today to start fresh. Yesterday was the first time Iz left the house without me as well. E brought her along to pick up our Thai food and I enjoyed some alone time at home. I was able to relax knowing that she was enjoying some time with her Dad and meeting the owner of our favorite restaurant, and I had thirty minutes to myself to do whatever I chose without worry that Iz would need me. Even when E spends time with her at home, it is hard to fully relax because she often begins getting upset and her mama radar goes off, causing her to only settle when we are back together. And of course if she needs me I want to be there, so I hurry to finish my bath or my project and go back into mama-mode. So, as you can imagine, those thirty minutes to myself were quite the treat. My focus turned to putting together our seed order and choosing a new lens for my camera. I do enjoy all of the time with my girl, but E and I both agreed that we will have to do this more often. The adventures must be short right now due to her still frequent nursing, but as the months and years go on I look forward to them having time together, just the two of them. I think that is really important and something we will all grow to enjoy in our own ways. 

Other highlights of the day were E taking the day off so we could all spend it together and voicemails and videos from some of my favorite kids. Oh, and I also enjoyed having a few minutes to clean up around the house way more than I probably should have.


Wednesday, February 27, 2013

28 for 28

Today I begin my 28th year and with that in mind I would like to set some goals and intentions. Last year was full of so many changes and I look forward to finding a new kind of normal in the year to come. So, here are 28 goals and intentions for my 28th year, some serious, some simple, but all important.

  1. Finish my first quilt. Seriously, just get it done.
  2. Learn to crochet. I love to knit, but want to diversify.
  3. Have a simple and fun little birthday party for our girl come September.
  4. Focus on seeing my family and friends more by planning ahead and making dates.
  5. Go camping at least once with my girl and my love.
  6. Work on having a more productive garden than last year. 
  7. Make it a point each month to do something kind for someone else just because.
  8. Focus on my health by eating well and taking care of my body and be a good example for our girl in that way.
  9. Tell myself I am beautiful and strong each and every day even when it is hard.
  10. Simplify our home by organizing, de-cluttering  cleaning, and giving away what we don't truly need or want. The garage too.
  11. Make our bedroom beautiful, comfy and peaceful.
  12. Redo our little bathroom off our bedroom.
  13. Eat either a salad or smoothie every day.
  14. Walk lots.
  15. Visit my sister at least 2 times in her town.
  16. Visit my brother at least 2 times in his town.
  17. Write every day even if it is just a single thought, put it down on paper and let it breathe and have room to grow.
  18. Make yoga a part of my life again.
  19. Teach our girl baby sign language to aid in our communication.
  20. Breathe. Just Breathe. Often and with the intention of finding calm in the every day.
  21. Make it a point to give each of our four furry ones a little one on one time and love whenever I can.
  22. Let my fella know how much I love and appreciate him each and every day.
  23. Do something each week to challenge myself and to help myself grow. 
  24. Have my hair cut. Simple, but necessary.
  25. Go swimming with I and E. At a pool perhaps, but hopefully somewhere more natural too.
  26. Go hiking with I and E. We didn't do much of this last year and it keeps me feeling balanced.
  27. Turn negative thoughts into positive ones and work on my confidence in that way. This is a work in progress, but that single action should help tremendously.
  28. Laugh, and don't take life too seriously.
This one is being printed and hung on the wall with a marker close by. Watch out 28, I'm coming after you!

Do you make any yearly goals or intentions? Are you into those of the new years, birthday, or some other kind of variety? 


Monday, February 25, 2013


Today I am grateful for...

...the amazing laugh that comes out of my daughter when she is full of joy.

...a warm kitchen from which I can admire the snow with warm toes.

...a short but wonderful visit with a friend in which I was able to take in her seven month old grandson and my mind was blown by how much of a difference two months can make. Also, that little guy has an amazing smile and disposition, I'm hooked.

...that visit ending with a car full of hand-me-down clothes from her three granddaughters.

...a text message which promised a kombucha starter when I am ready.

...the wonderful lady behind Fosterhood becoming a Mom, good things happening to good people.

...a tank full of gas to calm my baby to sleep when absolutely nothing else will work.

...long drives with my love to get that sweet girl to sleep and which allow for much communication and growth. amazing man who rewards me for challenging myself, knowing how hard certain things are for me.

...a sister who is also a best friend.


Friday, February 22, 2013

Slice of Life: Take 6

 sneaking in stitches / best dad / scattered flurries / a favorite toy shaped as our beautiful state

There are many things on my mind, like that time I found what I thought was a worm in Iz's diaper but it was really just a thread and E had the pleasure of confirming this for me when he came home, but also more serious things as well. Sometimes I wish I could stop all the thinking I have always done and just not care so much, but I just can't because I am a thinker by nature and although it can sometimes complicate things by having to once again go against the grain, it at least makes me feel like I am being true to myself and doing what I believe is best for my family. But, sometimes I do still wish!

Things are going okay, but pretty silly around here. I am not so obsessed with sleep and fully anticipated just letting our baby sleep on the go, in the wrap, in our arms and so on, but this little lady has such different ideas - seems she is quite the thinker too - and though she gives very obvious signs of being tired, she is the trickiest puzzle to figure out when it comes to getting her the sleep she so desperately needs. Add in a dog that always seems to begin her bark fits once I finally help ease those sweet little eyes shut and it keeps things especially wild. She is still napping on me while nursing as it is the only thing that will keep her asleep for more than five minutes at a time. This can be rough physically as she also has changed up her night time routine and made things a bit more interesting, but I think it is the psychological part that is harder. What I mean is the trying to make time to see people and not being able to really explain in a way they understand that I am unable to have the spontaneity I once had when it comes to getting together. The explaining that no, once she is asleep we can not lay her in her bed or on the couch or in the swing and carry on, not if we actually want her to stay asleep. The feeling judged like people think it's your parenting rather than her personality which is laughable to anyone else who has had a more particular and spirited sort of baby. I really do get it though, for if I had an "easy" baby or was not yet a parent I might think the same thing. I don't mean any of this to complain though, just to get it out. If I knew that she was going to be this strong-minded I wouldn't have changed a thing. If I knew she was going to be twice this strong-minded I still wouldn't. As I sing to her daily, "You are my sunshine, you are my rainbow, you are my lollipop!" and it's so very true, she is all things wonderful and I love every silly, strong, sweet, and adorable little ounce of her. I love how she looks to me with her sweet little smile so many times a day. I love how she reaches out for her favorite dog Jasper with the biggest grin on her face. I love the way she strokes my face while she nurses in my lap and gazes into my eyes. I love seeing the delight on her face when her Dad flies her around above his head. She is incredible, in each and every way.

If it helps to show my love for her any more, we are already thinking ahead to when we will try for another and while we do hope our next will roll with the flow a bit more easily, if they are just as spirited as Iz Bug we will have our hands full, but our hearts will be very full as well and that's a wonderful thing. Don't get any crazy ideas though, this next one won't be coming for a good long while as it is my requirement that my sister is settled into town before the next time. I am desperate for her support and companionship as I travel this curvy path of motherhood and while I could really use it this time I will relish in it the next time around, and that is a large reason why we stay. Despite the temperatures that are colder than I prefer, the lack of oceans, enormous lakes or mountains, we stay for the hope and the love, which isn't to say we would never leave, but most likely not and certainly not any time soon. 


Tuesday, February 12, 2013

Family is Love

Bugs and I have been holding down the fort and having small bouts of tears here and there since E left for California for work - me because I miss him terribly and her because...well, you know she's a baby, right? We knew this time was coming, but I chose not to think too much about it because when I did I would crumble, unable to grasp how I would survive the responsibilities that come along with caring for three wild dogs, a cat, a baby and myself without my partner-in-crime. A few days before he had to leave I remember saying, "I just need to stop thinking about it because when the time comes I know I will just have to get through it and being sad about it now isn't going to help matters" and that is just what I did and what I am doing and in 21 hours we will all be reunited at the airport. E has to travel now and then for work training or to handle fancy out-of-town accounts, but while I missed him like crazy in the past, it was different. I would plan extra fun with friends and partake in a little extra knitting, reading, or ice cream eating and before I knew it he would be back in my arms. This time is different though, so very different, I miss him in a way that I can barely handle and I think that comes with being a family, it just feels so wrong for us to not be together and to be able to reconnect as a family every night. The laundry I can handle, the dog wrangling and baby caring I can handle, the not eating home-cooked meals every night I can handle, but the knot that has formed in my chest I could do without and I am really looking forward to it unfurling by this time tomorrow.

We have been having fun though, me and the Bug, doing our normal thing and spending a bit of time with my own Mama today. She went along with us while I had to renew my license, followed by swinging by a consignment store where I picked up a few items for my daughter - still love saying that word. After that we started heading toward my home and Iz fell asleep, so I asked my Mom if she was okay with joining me for a drive and brought her to my favorite park in town and then continued driving along while we talked and caught up and enjoyed the drive. We used to drive often as a way to get out of our tense home and see the countryside and it was kind of nice to do that again, but this time with different views, me behind the wheel and with my own daughter along for the ride. Our return to my home was complete with a well-rested girl and with Thai takeout to fill our bellies, so, while I have been missing the other half of my heart, today was a good day. Still, I am really looking forward to tomorrow.


Monday, February 4, 2013

What a Trip

Today was Tough friends. Yes, Tough with a capital "T" tough. Call it a four month growth spurt, call it a sleep regression, call it a wonder week, call it four month wakeful, call it whatever you want, but I'm just going to call it Crazy Town. At one point she wouldn't sleep even though she was so incredibly tired. Not a single method worked so I tied her onto my body, headed to the kitchen and whipped up a batch of cookies, gobbling a hot one down before going into her room for another go round. It was one of those days where I felt like I spent the entire day doing nothing but trying to get her to sleep, not out of my need for it, but because of the fact that she was so tired, rubbing her eyes, fussing, acting unsettled, you know the drill, and I knew sleep would be the only way to help her out. After one of those kinds of days I can be left feeling a bit frazzled, but I know she only needs to be held close and helped through it and once she was tuckered out for a stretch after another go round of swaddling, nursing, and comforting, I began looking for a particular photo and stumbled upon so many, along with the photos from her birth, and those made me want to go pick her up for a snuggle and taking in her smallness while it lasts, because I really have a hard time believing she was ever that small and I know todays small will be yesterdays small before I know it.