Sunday, December 29, 2013

December 29, 2013

Sometimes your life heads in a different direction than you previously had in mind and when it does there are growing pains that require a lot of stretching and changing and reframing on your part but at the end of the day they get you closer to where you are truly meant to be, a place that feels more right in your bones than those visualized ideals ever did as they were just that, ideas and not your reality.

Oh, but those ideas, they still fuel you as they keep visions of seed packets, squash circles and bubbly pots of elderberry syrup running through your mind. They fuel your knitting needles as they click together into the night and your sewing machine as it whirs along through the layers of cotton you are quilting together for your daughter. They have you dreaming of change but staying put and making the best of until the time is right and the next move is most clear. They are friends rather than enemies  these ideas and are there for you to lean on when the going gets tough and you are not so sure you will ever move forward.

I lean on my own ideas with frequency while working toward my dreams of a continually more simplified and sustainable life for my family and looking back I can see how far they have brought me. On a day to day basis it seems not much has changed as my every day is just my reality, but looking back over even just the last five years I am able to see such incredible growth. Just a few years ago I hunted down a way to make my wish of knowing how to knit a reality, took a class, practiced, fumbled quite a bit and can now knit up items I am proud of while continuing to learn with each project. Sewing machines and I had not been all that acquainted since a home economics class during my freshman year of high school, yet in the past few years I have begun to make simple projects for our home and can look at them with pride while knowing I have so much room to grow and explore in this skill which is exciting and something I challenge myself to do. I had never had a garden of my own, but now we have started a couple in our own backyard and though it has only been a few years we have learned so much and are planning for another growing season come Spring.

We can some things here and there, we try to make things ourselves when we are able, we are each day working our way toward that life we have visions of in our minds but also living that life in its present state each day. There are still visions of rain barrels, chickens and bees dancing around in my head. I still dream of being more engaged and involved with like-minders in our community and my heart always longs for a slightly different place to see this all to fruition, but seeing how far I and We have come I can see how far we will continue to go and grow and I find that both comforting and inspiring as we prepare to head into this next year, 2014.


Monday, December 23, 2013

Loving Who You Are

The morning sun caught in my mug.

Loving who you are is not something that comes easy for all and the more I experience in life the more I tend to lean toward the thought that it is something that in fact may not come easy for most, although I do think there are some who do so naturally or are able to come to that place very early in their journey. For me it has been a very long process with the very lowest of lows and a few peaks along the way, but only since becoming a mother am I really growing to that place of true love for myself for exactly who I am. Constantly changing and growing and finding how I want to live this life has brought me to many experiences but tonight I just felt at peace with the here and now of who I am. With my sweet daughter having been nursed and snuggled to sleep I sat in on her play rug wrapping gifts, seven different items knit with love for those that I care for most and a few other items handmade by myself or by others to gift as well, wrapping them up in brown paper bags with tiny notes on their washing instructions while I could hear the buzz of my husbands saw as he tinkered away at making a wooden barn for that very daughter asleep in our bed - in that moment I found the aforementioned peace, felt as is if we were living the life we have imagined or at least a version of it we can appreciate and enjoy.

Many mornings I pull myself out of bed with an already perky baby girl on my hip and have to choose how I will greet the day. Will I let the day get the best of me with its unexpected events to come or will I get the best of it by greeting it with the intention of making it my own and filling it with the best that I am able? Some days are less than stellar but on many I choose to start it off with our galloping into the living room singing "live the life you've imagined, live the life you've imagined, live the life you've imagined, bump bump bump bum bum" and while it may sound silly it can make all the difference in the world. That phrase can carry me through the day and impact each thing that I do in a wonderful way and make a better day for all seven of us living beneath this roof. And today? Today I would say we were living the life we've imagined, not perfectly, not in all its glory, but I think that is the way it probably goes, for if there were no room left for growth there would be a world full of some rather dull and monotonous moments. There is no telling what tomorrow will bring but I know I will be aiming to live the life I've imagined in whichever ways I am able, I hope you will too.


Sunday, December 22, 2013

I Love Her

I love being her mama. 
I love mooing and baaing back and forth with her as we make our way home in the car.
I love having her ride around on my hip while I figure out supper.
I love the way she comes looking for me when I am in another room and lights up when she finds me.
I love the way she crawls over to the clock radio, turns it on and starts dancing the moment she hears the music.
I love the way she snuggles into her cat, pats her on the back and belly and leans in to give her a kiss.
I love the way she can be so focused on the simplest things and also how she can jump from one to another when she is overly tired and in her super silly state.
I love thinking up things that will delight her, putting them into action and watching her fill with joy when they do.
I love taking her out into the world and watching it all through her eyes.
I love when I ask her for a kiss and she leans in with a "mwah" and I also love when I ask and she says "nooo" and sticks her hand out, making her wishes clearly known.
I love that I know her so well.
I love watching her bring joy to others.
I love her I love her I love her.

I just love her. Each and every moment of each and every day I love her. Fully and completely and in a way I could never comprehend until it happened. 


Thursday, December 19, 2013

December 19, 2013

All of the knitting is complete, all four sweaters had buttons sewn on this evening and now there is just a bit of blocking and packaging before we call it a wrap. This weekend brought us to one of our favorite spots for brunch followed by a very snowy fun time in the great outdoors at an art event and to let Iz get a taste for the snow. Not thinking she's a huge fan yet, but I think she will grow to enjoy it more in the years to come. 

This time of year is always a bit odd for me but feeling a bit more strange right now. Nothing huge, just feeling a bit disconnected from our mama-baby friend pairs. With a mix of not living very close, sickness floating around the kiddos and other activities it has been over a month since we have seen anyone outside of family and I am missing them all. Looks like we will have to make a big effort to get out there and reconnect at the next opportunity. 

And wouldn't you know Christmas is less than a week away? Not sure how it snuck up on us, but we are enjoying the extra family get togethers and more time for the three of us together with extra time off for the holidays. We have kept our gift giving even simpler than ever before and I am at peace with that. I used to worry so much about trying to make everyone happy, about keeping up appearances, about quantity but year after year we keep finding our way to an even simpler place and I'm enjoying that process and looking forward to seeing how things morph in this area over time. Gift giving is interesting in general but has become especially interesting since having a child. We could easily pile her up with toys and things, but we don't want that for her and by observing her and knowing her well we know that isn't what she wants either. Always more happy to play with her little tin cup, her scrap of fabric, her stack of old c.d.'s...burying her in toys just overwhelms her, so we have kept it very simple. Even then I feel like it could be too much for all at once, but figure she can explore each little thing a little at a time. I'm sure to most it would seem like not much at all, but I know she will be thrilled with the few little items we have tucked away for her and will love the extra time with her family. Hopefully the nieces and nephews will enjoy their knit items as well. If nothing else at least they will be warm! 

That's about all for now. Right now I'm just hoping to slow down a bit now that my holiday crafting is mostly complete, enjoy this time with my loved ones and figuring out how I will spend my evenings now that these hands have a bit more free time. There might just be a little Mama or Buggy knitting that is calling my name...


Tuesday, December 10, 2013

December 10, 2013

I won't fill this post with too many comments on how fast time is flying because you already know, right? Today during an extremely long nap I began reading through old posts - Iz still new in my belly old - and it made me miss this space. As those with a toddler or baby or any aged child knows there is not much free time in ones days and while that is true I do find a bit of free time at night, but have been filling it with knitting as fast as my not-super-experienced knitter hands can manage because while I do not recommend waiting to start your holiday knitting until November, that is what I did and now my stubborn as a mule ways are making me see it through. Four In-Threes have been bound off and are waiting for blocking and buttons, a hat has been cast on, as has a scarf and there is one more hat to go. Finishing each one is satisfying but next year remind me to stick to all hats and to start a lot sooner, okay? I don't think I'll forget.

Otherwise we have been lucky to spend a lot of time with my sister and the girls since they have moved back. She is staying at home with them for now and it's been quite the treat to be able to see them so often. We have been on a bit of a hiatus since Thanksgiving as everyone has been having sickness running its course, but it seems all is on the upswing now and we will be able to return to playing and visiting here soon. Speaking of Thanksgiving, it was wonderful. For the first time in so many years my entire immediate family was able to be in the same place at the same time on an actual holiday to enjoy it together. Iz has really opened up to allowing others to interact with, hold, and play with her lately so it is even more enjoyable than in the past. Seeing her happy in someone else's arms is something I thought would never happen, but it does now and then these days and it's great to see other people be able to shower her with the love they've been saving back for her all those months she was glued to me alone. She is still quite glued to me 92% of the time but these small changes are fun. The best change for mama? Sometimes she and E will take a nap together and I am left to my own devices in my own home during the daylight hours. It's like a mini vacation. One filled with lots of knitting these days, but I can see myself having some long stretches of time to write, craft, clean, exercise or any other number of things after the holidays.  E has also taken over bath duty (what is happening as I type) so Iz can have some time with him alone to connect and play during the week. I'm in no hurry for her to outgrow needing me so much, but it does help me to feel a bit more balanced and capable to have a few moments to myself from time to time.

Well, that I have checked back in maybe I will try to do so a few more times throughout the holiday season to share some of the projects and activities we have been up to. I hope to have more time for reflective writing come the new year but just peaking in now and then until then sounds like something I might be able to manage.

I hope everyone is well and enjoying this season. Have you been doing much crafting or celebrating? Whatever you have been up to I hope you have been enjoying it!


Thursday, November 7, 2013

November 7, 2013

We are still chugging along around here and living our day-to-day with as much joy and fun mixed in with the work as we can manage. Our work on simplifying slowed down for a bit as those things tend to do, breaks mixed in with sprints, but yesterday I began another stretch. This one ought to be a doozy with the suitcase of old journals I have stumbled upon, but I will be so glad to release that weight as well.

In other news I woke up the other day with a lot of pain in an area of my mouth where I had a root canal as a teenager. When I was around eight weeks pregnant with Iz I had went in for a small dental procedure and my dentist predicted that area would need a new cap in a couple of years and he seemed pretty spot on because here we are. With no dental insurance this is not the best news but we will figure it out someway somehow as we always do and I will keep tapping into the positivity jar with as much gusto as I can round up. Although I did throw a book the other day when it mentioned everything happening for a reason and for helping us grow and help others and so on and so forth. Let it be known I am not in the habit of throwing books, but I was reading said book to try to help me calm down and gain some perspective after a pretty uncomfortable couple of days and nights and was already crying so hearing that it was basically all for the best was a bit too much.  I actually do believe that to be true and I know some of the things we have been dealing with lately will give me knowledge and strength to help others (mainly the nursing issues and Iz's procedure) but I am so over it. So over learning the lessons and gaining the strength. There has been a lifetime of this due to much larger family issues and I was just hoping for a bit of that sweet and easy kind of living for awhile. Luckily I am not giving in or giving up hope, but if you have any positive thoughts, prayers or good loving energy you could send our way I sure would appreciate it. 

In the meantime I'll be snuggling that sweet Bug, visiting my nieces and sister, loving on my husband, nurturing friendships and moving forward. 


Tuesday, October 29, 2013

Learning Curve

Looking ahead to the forecast for last weekend I asked E if he wanted to go an a hike on Saturday and of course he said yes, being the first weekend we haven't had a birthday party in over a month we took full advantage of getting out into nature for a bit and it was a wonderful decision. On the way there Iz had a much needed nap and I had a good cry/breakdown that was also much needed and the hike, fresh air, beautiful views, working muscles, they were all exactly what I needed to rebalance.

There is a bit of a learning curve after becoming a mother but lately there is even more of a learning curve as I dive more deeply into living the life I've imagined. Some from-scratch meals may turn out lousy but I will keep trying and keep adding drops of knowledge into my bucket for later use. Sometimes going through the boxes and boxes of stuff to finally be rid of it may be exhausting and emotionally trying but worth it. It's all a bit much but important work. Lately we have been doing a lot of that work in order to simplify our lives. Upon moving in with E I brought along belongings from all the lives I had lived prior and had to store it away temporarily, never pairing down. Since that point my mom moved houses and more boxes of things wore stored away, then my uncle lost the farm and more boxes and barrels of my grandma's things were stored away, then my dad passed away and many more boxes and bags came. These boxes, bags and barrels have been mentally weighing on me for years now and with another boost aiming me toward the desire to simplify we finally dove in. So many loads have been recycled, so many loads have been dropped at Goodwill and there are many more bags of items to be dropped at an upcycling store in town. Each time a load leaves I feel lighter and more relieved and soon it will all be done. As this happens I finally feel like I can start moving forward and healing a bit more while also leaving room in my mind and life for seeing what comes next. We still have just a couple more boxes and bins to go through but we are nearing the next phase and that is such a relief. 

Thursday, October 24, 2013

Step by Step by Step

Life is good lately. Things are still off with Iz's latch but after some unexpected trauma we continued on with the aftercare and now we are back to living life and working with our new situation. The good news? While her latch hasn't changed yet her personality has. I have always thought she is amazing and would tell her so regularly but lately she is just such a joy. She chuckles and plays and is so sweet and gentle and kind while still maintaining her strong opinions. This process has left me with a lot of guilt over not figuring out what was going on sooner, not helping her sooner, not taking away her discomfort immediately, but I know that guilt is unwarranted as there was no way to know and so instead I am choosing to celebrate our progress instead. Some days I still tear up and some days I still feel overwhelmed with some aspects of what I'm handling but I am more than happy to handle it. Happy to have a healthy joyful girl and a healthy wonderful husband. Happy to have a warm safe home over our heads and happy to have a community of like-minded mamas on my side. 

With the rough patches we have been handling lately I am more thankful than ever for choosing positivity, for being able to keep pushing forward and focusing on one day and one moment at a time, it's helped. At the same time I still feel if I'm on the brink of something big, on changes to my life and to how our family lives and it feels good. I feel inspired and motivated and hopeful and I am trying to spend any free moments I can nurturing this feeling and these changes as to not lose hold of them. More than anything I do not want to lose hold of them because these changes are helping us get closer and closer to the future we have envisioned and each step we take, no matter how tiny, is an important step. One, after another, after another, and we will continue forward like that, each step adding one more stone to a foundation we can really build on. I can breath easier with that thought.


Friday, October 18, 2013


Dipping my toes back in with some gratitude.

This week I am thankful for...

...good doctors when you need them.

...all of the celebrations of newly turned one year olds - friends, family, our own.

...a backyard swing for my sweet daughter. mama tribe - I'd be lost without them and am so thankful for the acquaintances turned friends.

...for less than two weeks remaining on our little dude's bed rest. 

...and less than four days of mouth stretches remaining for our girl. 

...for spontaneous chuckles coming from my girl at the most random of times.

...for daily snuggles and book reading in our little green chair with her favorite puppy pillow.

...for a full weekend of family fun ahead - birthday partying and pumpkin patching here we come!

What are you feeling most thankful for this week?


Tuesday, October 1, 2013

October 1, 2013

A birthday behind us. A small party with family and a few of our longest-held friends. A bin full of chalk that our girl likes to play with. Here we are in October.

Finding time to write is tricky lately because I prefer to be positive and with some struggles I have been facing it has been hard to know where to turn or who to talk to about it all. Finally, the day after Iz's first birthday, we figured out what has been causing our nursing struggles and basically almost every struggle we have been having since she has been born. Well, not everything, being a new parent would be life changing and world rocking and quite the adjustment regardless of anything, but the gas, the dry skin, the flattened nipples, the restless sleep, the still nursing very very frequently all through the day and night, the throwing up while trying to eat solids, the fighting and struggling at my breast....just so much. The latest person we saw for craniosacral work found her to have a moderate to severe posterior tongue tie, an upper lip tie and palette issues due to those ties. My emotions on this are so all over the place, anger for us not having found help for this sooner, frustration at not being able to get help quickly now that we know what is going on, guilt for not being able to help relieve my baby of the tension and discomfort she has been dealing with for all of her life...just so much..again. Now we just wait to get in for an evaluation at the only person in the area who can correct these ties via laser and without general anesthesia. I feel so helpless as I just want relief for her and for us now, but I know I have to be patient and hopeful and just wait. Once I have contact with the doctor and have a date to look forward to it will really help for us to push forward, but right now it is just all a bit much so I'm just trying to have fun when and where I can and be thankful we at least have more information and know where to go from here. 


Wednesday, September 25, 2013

A Birthday Girl

There is so much to say as the tiny love of my life is turning one and I will get to that too, but today was for celebrating with things we knew would delight her, taking plenty of photos of her sweet self and soaking up our time as a family. By making a simple plan, but also just letting go and letting the day happen as it would, it turned out just as perfect as I could have imagined and better than I could have ever fully planned. I used to tear up at the thought of her turning one, but I truly believe this year will be even better than the last. Definitely couldn't love my sweet Iz more, she made me the mother I always wanted to be and the one I never knew I would be as well. She is amazing.


Tuesday, September 24, 2013

Sweaters For Our Sweetest

I finally finished two little sweaters for my sweetest cat loving daughter, one brown and one green. I don't know what the yarns are as I was working from my stash to keep costs to a minimum, but I do know the green one is some kind of bamboo blend and I do know that it is my favorite. The pattern is In Threes and the cat buttons are from Anny May on Etsy.  This pattern is fairly simple and straightforward and the sweaters came together easily after a few initial hiccups on my part. Now I have plans to cast on for a few others to gift to all of the other little ladies I love for Christmas. I better get to knitting!


Monday, September 23, 2013

Simple Sunday

Sunday we were in desperate need of groceries so we headed that way, but in order to make our trip a little more worthwhile we stopped by Turtle Park for a bit of swinging (always), picnicking and playing and it was a really good call. The weather was beautiful, the swings were swinging and my husband, my baby, and myself were all smiling. These simple kinds of days are my favorite. A festival or attraction can be fun, but those kinds of things often leave me feeling a bit flustered due to the enormous crowds and a bit exhausted from keeping track of everyone and everything amongst the chaos. Worth it for the really good ones, but on an ordinary weekend the kind of sunday we had at the park is just our speed. And then today I finagled E into helping me with a small project for the backyard. We have hit a little obstacle with some cutting, but might be able to get started again as soon as tomorrow. More on that later...


Thursday, September 19, 2013

September 19, 2013

Those tomato plants just keep giving and giving and so I eat a lot of tomato sandwiches and when we make the fajitas we have on the menu for tomorrow we will be making another big batch of salsa to go with them. Today has been rough as we are all stuffy-nosed and sore-throated again so our girl was having a rough day and so was I, but Leroy came home from surgery with the cutest little tractor covered cast. He has a long road to recovery ahead and we have a ways to go to cover his costs, but with each dollar we are getting closer and with each day he will be one day closer to being back to wrestling with Roxy. Six weeks of bed rest are on the horizon for little dude which will be an adjustment for all of us, but we have his x-pen set up between the living room and playroom so he can still be in on the action while resting his ankle. 

Does that give us away as crazy animal folks? That we just happen to have an x-pen laying around? Lilly spent time in it as a pup when she would eat floors and walls, Jasper spent his first weeks in it while we nursed him through his fight with parvo, a pair of stray beagles had their turn with it until we found their home and now Leroy will have the longest stay yet. Luckily E was already set to be using his vacation days next week so we can get through that first week and a half together, although E may go in a few hours here and there (for pay) to help cover some of the vet costs. Not ideal, but we do what we have to do, right? Iz's birthday is situated right in the middle of the week though and E has made it clear that he won't be coming in or checking his e-mail at that time. We will be busy bringing I to the butterfly house, taking her on her first carousel ride and having a picnic at the park if the weather is on our side. We will have a small party with family and our closest friends on the following Saturday which will be fun but maybe a bit overwhelming for our girl, so Wednesday will be something that is slow and easy and that will no doubt make her smile...can't wait to see how she reacts to those butterflies surrounding her. 


Wednesday, September 18, 2013


This week I am grateful for...

...a crawling baby girl and getting to watch her explore the world a bit more each day.

...our home. past and the strength it has given me.

...three visits with my sister and nieces in the past four days.

...good books that inspire.

...a husband who gives himself so freely when helping my family.

...meeting Carly and Emma, my dear friends sweet twin baby girls and getting to pick out two little outfits to gift to them.

...progress on our fundraising goals for Leroy's ankle surgery and knowing he is going to be okay.

...kind pick-me-ups in the mail that bring a huge smile to my face and peace to my heart.

...lemon balm tea. and hope and everything in-between. 

What are you feeling most grateful for this week?


Tuesday, September 17, 2013

Fundraising for Leroy Brown

As much as we hoped and wished and prayed that little dude would not have to have surgery and that they would be able to repair his injury with an adjustment and a splint, that is not the case. We brought him in this morning and the specialist gave us surgery as the only option, so tomorrow he will be going in. We have set up a fundraising page if any generous animal-loving readers happen to stop by. You can go to the page (here: ) for the entire story and details. Even just sharing the link with others you think might be interested in helping would be extremely helpful.

More than anything, please keep little Leroy Brown in your thoughts as he has his surgery tomorrow. He has to stay the night after and that is already bringing tears to my eyes. He is a strong little guy though, so I think he will be just fine.


Monday, September 16, 2013

September 16, 2013

This weekend was for the most part about as full and wonderful as I had hoped for. Saturday allowed me time to visit with my friend and her tiny twin girls as they snuggled to her chest. Having that baby-free time to catch up and talk about our lives was pretty wonderful and something I have missed. I am never in a hurry to be away from my sweet girl, but your mind does work a lot differently when you aren't holding a conversation and tending to a child's needs at the same time and it was nice to enjoy that for an hour. Plus, Iz was busy at work with E, dropping off Goodwill donations and picking up some groceries and lunch for us to enjoy at the park once they picked me up at the hospital, and of course there was some swinging at said park as well.

And Sunday? Well, that was when my sister and crew arrived in St. Louis! We left home early to attempt a car nap and to swing by a local yarn shop so I could get started on some affordable but from the heart Christmas presents. After that it was moving time and I am so glad about that. E contributed his muscles and I contributed my toddler entertaining, so I hope that helped make things a bit easier. Now they are settling in and I'll be interested to see how far they have chipped in to cardboard box mountain the next time I stop by. You always forget how intense moving is until you see it happening once again. 

We headed home later than expected but were lucky that Iz fell asleep on the way. Unfortunately, as I was nursing her back to sleep after the transfer, E let the dogs out to pee and stretch and Leroy (our tiny long-haired chihuahua) hurt his leg in some random fluke accident. I wasn't there to hear it, but E said the noises he was making were pretty terrible and when he went outside the other two dogs were just staring at him and wondering what was going on. He was hopping around (and still is) holding up one of his rear legs as it dangled and flopped around. We thought it might have been a luxating patella which is common with chihuahuas but he seemed to not be in much pain so we decided it was safe to wait to see our own vet in the morning rather than going to the 24 hour emergency clinic. E brought him in first thing and the vet said unfortunately it wasn't a luxating patella (which would be easier to fix/heal) so they took an x-ray and found he has dislocated his ankle. He is now on pain medication and has an appointment at an orthopedic specialist first thing tomorrow morning. The vet couldn't believe he wasn't acting as if he was in pain because with that kind of injury he should be hurting pretty badly. The thing is, Leroy could be being poked with a needle from every direction and he will just cower and take it all without fighting. Just typing it makes me tear up. He has been like this since he came to us and I know it's from his four years of living in a cage and people doing whatever they want to him, so while it makes it easy for vets or us to care for him or provide medical treatment, it's also heartbreaking. While I don't want to see any of our pets in pain, it's hardest when it is him because I feel like he has been through so much already and just wish I could protect him from every feeling any pain or fear ever again. Here's hoping they can help him with an adjustment and a splint tomorrow rather than needing surgery to correct it, both for his sake and ours. I counted up our change stash and that will make a dent in the already large bills, but I'm scared to see what the damage is tomorrow. I might have to start brainstorming fundraising ideas but for now we just have to get him healed. I know it will all work out in the end and we will find our way. 

So, although we had a crazy end to the weekend, it was a good one and will lead to many more exciting times to come now that all of my siblings are back in the area. 

I hope you all had a nice weekend too. Did you do anything special?


Friday, September 13, 2013

September 13, 2013

Today was simple but seemed particularly long and full. We started out with a trip to the chiropractor and then found our way to E's office for lunch and Buggy fell asleep on the very short trip from the first stop to the second. Luckily E was on a call and couldn't come to us right away so she had a short cat nap to fuel our lunch and then stayed awake quietly relaxing in her seat all the way home. At home she crawled all around the house, had another short nap, we walked around the yard, watched the dogs, sat on the rug in front of the door together and watched the school buses pass by, that sort of thing. With the wind blowing through the windows we snuggled into the couch to nurse and cuddle for longer than she will usually put up with and then she was off again to crawl over to her stack of books which she continued to flip pages in for quite awhile while I was able to finish a book of my own. Nothing too special happened today but I feel hopeful and at peace about a lot of things I haven't felt that way about in some time. I felt like I could breathe again and felt like I am doing a good job. While each day has its own obstacles and to-do lists, each one also has freshly organized cabinets with my husband, a sweet clean baby snuggled up in footy pajamas, a cooler day that gives a glimpse of fall, a pan of roasted cauliflower, you get the just, plenty of little wonderful things to focus on and enjoy each and every single day. Plus, there is always hope for even more wonderful things to come in the next day. 

We have the weekend ahead of us now and I am going to be mindful of embracing it and not wasting it away. A sweet friend of mine delivered her twin girls a few weeks ago at just 27 weeks and I hope to get a chance to swing by to meet them for the first time and to visit with her as well. Then on Sunday my sister, her family, and a truck full of their belongings will arrive and we will start another adventure of being in the same town again. Hopefully between those things we can also find time to get to a park for our girl to swing for a bit, take some walks, do a bit more cleaning and also lots of hugging. E laughs at me a lot when I say, "let's just sit and hug" but you know...sometimes you just gotta do it.

Here's hoping you all have a wonderful weekend filled with many small pleasures as well. 


Wednesday, September 11, 2013

Library Day: Mama & Buggy Picks

For Mama:
Finally got my paws on the newest Anne Lamott and have already dug in. So so good. 

For Buggy:
As you can see she has already dug in as well. Top picks are Pat the Zoo and Llama Llama Hoppity-Hop.

The illustrations in Mommies Say Shhh! are wonderful and clever but Bugs doesn't really care for it. I'm secretly hoping she falls a bit more in like with You Are My Little Pumpkin Pie because I am a huge fan for it's Fall-based illustrations and sweet simple words. I want to read it to her over and over again, she does at least love the ridges from the pie tin on the front. 

What have you or you and your little one been reading lately? Any good ones we should keep our eyes out for? I love that she is already becoming a patron of our wonderful local libraries. Their board book selections are stellar.


Monday, September 9, 2013

Dehydrator "Sun" Dried Tomatoes

So many of these tasty morsels are now packed away in our freezer for brightening up the colder days to come. I had to hurry and squirrel them away before they all flew down my gullet as they were so sweet and tasty and bursting with that wonderful concentrated flavor of tomato that I could not stop popping them in. 

Have you been preserving any garden goodies recently? I'd love to know. And any ideas for keeping young ones busy while you work in the kitchen are much appreciated. Someone isn't so keen on hanging out in the carrier for long stretches these days, but I do have plans for child-safe magnets and an eventual chalkboard painted door for when she is a bit older. Right now there are toys on the floor and cabinets to explore and a mama who works in short speedy bursts.


Saturday, September 7, 2013

September 7, 2013

When cleaning out boxes and bins I found this little jelly jar amongst a round of items from my grandma's house, it was the one treasure amongst all of the broken, damaged, or unnecessary items. While walking around our backyard I picked a bit of lavender from our garden, placing them in this tiny jelly jar brought me a smile amid a long string of challenging days. There has been a bit of trouble with our breastfeeding relationship that we are working hard to solve and it has been causing me a lot of stress which has manifested itself in my body in undesired ways and when paired with a bit of already present anxiety, well, it's been a bit messy in my mind and soul this week. I found myself in tears while at our nursing mom's group on Thursday and have been a bit of a mess, but I know we will push forward and keep working toward a solution. For now I try my best to focus on the little happy moments and things, bits of lavender, tiny jelly jars, a husband and daughter I love, tomatoes from our garden, yarn on the needles...

...and one other thing, that announcement I never made: my sister is moving home next weekend!


Wednesday, September 4, 2013

September 4

These days are challenging but they are also scattered with laughter and kisses and so much love. When the times get tough, the nipples get sore, the tears are on the brink of my eyelids, I remember those sweet moments and reflect with gratitude on how lucky we truly are. Maybe I cry a bit in the bathroom too, but mostly I try to stay focused on the positive. 


Thursday, August 29, 2013

August 29

Today felt like one of those days where I was just trying to get her to take a nap all day. I stay with her while she sleeps so it's not like I had somewhere to be, and with our car at the mechanic there was no way of going anyway, but she was tired and cranky and just would not give in. Yesterday was the same. These sorts of days can be challenging, but we did gather a couple more bags of donations for Goodwill and she did enjoy looking at her books and placing them in my hands for reading, I love that. Thankfully our car is back home and while we have been unable to enjoy much outside time lately with the unbelievably blazing temperatures we can at least flee the nest for a bit tomorrow, if we feel like it. 


Friday, August 16, 2013

There has been much talk about the anticipation of fall going around and while it is my favorite of the seasons I was not on board, choosing to relish in these warm sunny days rather than anticipating what's to come. But yesterday it hit me, with the windows and doors thrown open, a light breeze causing our porch chimes to clink and clatter and the feeling of that cool breeze across my skin, falls approach sneaked into my bones and the anticipation set in. A family trip to the pumpkin patch, corduroy and cardigans, warm cups of tea and a baby in hand knits, yes, I can get on board with that. At the same time, I know it will come soon enough and I have every intention of enjoying these long sunny days while they're here. We have been taking walks, swinging at the park, picking tomatoes from the garden, and enjoying every last drop of sunshine while it lasts. Although I did cast on for a little sweater last night - in preparation - because after fall comes winter and that one's a bit harder for me to swallow. 

What about you? Are you preparing for the changing of seasons or just focusing on today? Maybe a mix of both?

Wishing a happy weekend to you all!


Thursday, August 8, 2013


This week I am grateful for...

...a home becoming more organized and less full of stuff each day.

...a weekend with my sister, nieces and brother-in-law.

...a healthy delicious vegan food truck.

...knowing a new baby nephew is on the way come January. many nights snuggling my baby to sleep on my chest, such a treat. sweet husband and a hand on my knee while we sit together in the evening.

...spending time with all of my mama friends at the Big Latch On at the farmers market last Saturday.

...hope and faith and love.

...a baby who loves holding the tiny freshly picked tomatoes from our garden.

...a giant salad for supper.

...time with my mama tribe today.

What are you feeling most grateful for this week?


Tuesday, August 6, 2013

Snuggles and Love

Tonight she went to bed with a stuffy nose, one she woke up with yesterday morning. All of our normal nightly routines would just not do, so after a bit of nursing I snuggled her to my chest, into the crook of my arm and with her skin pressed against my own, and she fell right to sleep. These moments are rare as our girl is not one to spend her days snuggling, preferring to tinker and explore, even when in our arms or laps. So, for an hour and a half we lay like that, snuggled together and me enjoying every moment of it. The folded laundry can be put away tomorrow - or not, the floors can be cleaned tomorrow - or not, I can take a shower come morning - or...probably should prioritize that, but tonight I was able to snuggle my baby so close and I will always do so when she needs me to so long as I am able. I write it here to look back on as I don't want to lose the memory of these moments. I don't want to forget feeling her belly moving up and down with my own, or the way her heart tapped against my chest. I don't want to forget the warmth that is still lingering on my skin from holding her to my body or the imprint of her ear on my arm. No stranger to how quickly the days are passing, I try with every ounce of my being to enjoy each one I have with her. These are the good days, they are the best.


Thursday, July 25, 2013


This week I am grateful for...

...a Sunday afternoon hiking at Powder Valley with E and Bugs.

...nursing my baby girl while hiking up a large hill and feeling like supermom.

...watching a dear walk and eat in the woods with my daughter on my chest.

...nieces and a nephew that I love so very much.

...a daughter who laughs and smiles when dogs head her way.

...sales on used clothes to dress our sweet girl comfortably and beautifully and for very little cost.

...a doe and fawn crossing my path in Sioux Passage park.

...a short Saturday stroll through the farmers market with my family and tasty produce to enjoy.

...being able to nurture and comfort my baby girl in the ways she needs. loving Mama and her finding happiness. carriers and keeping my girl close in that way, we both love the moments spent this way each day. love love love love.

What are you feeling grateful for this week?


Wednesday, July 24, 2013

A So Good Very Wonderful Day

Today was so simple and so normal but very wonderful. Upon waking and opening the door for the dogs for my first time of the day, I knew it was shaping up to be a beautiful one with a clear blue sky and slightly cool early morning air. Rather than worrying about little details or thinking things through to much I followed small yearnings and saw where they would take us. After breakfast, our usual period of sitting outside with the dogs and a sweet little nap in which she nursed and we rocked and I sang and we snuggled, I changed her diaper and stuck her into a carrier and we were off on a walk to take in the neighborhood and help some fresh air into our lungs. 

Another short nap and a bit of lunch and we were off to the library to renew my card, gather books for us both and to take in the newly opened community garden. Not wanting to head home so soon I took a side road the back way to a park across the river and little Buggy enjoyed swinging just as long as I would allow for in the bright sun and threw out so many laughs and giggles that filled my heart with some much needed joy. We then retreated to the shade of nearby trees and hopped from one to another while examining their different barks and leaves and when it was time to go we cuddled in for another nursing session before hitting the road. 

And back at home? Some time out back with the dogs before another snuggly nap and before we knew it little miss was lighting up with smiles as her Daddy's truck turned the corner and then we headed off for another walk, her on my chest and my hand holding onto one from the man I love. So good. So so good. More time out back and a nursing to sleep and I would call that a perfectly ordinary but wonderful day.


Thursday, July 18, 2013

Just Write

Today the temperature is supposed to reach nearly one hundred degrees, it'll be a hot one, but you wouldn't know it from in here, for in here it is always raining. The sound machine chugs along, throwing out a constant stream of a strong Spring rain showers, blocking out noises of cars charging past our corner lot, neighborhood dogs barking through the night, and our own clanks and clatters in the evening hours when baby girl is already fast asleep in our room.

I rub the sleepies from my eyes, roll out of bed and visit the bathroom before retreating back to this rain-filled room before the sun comes to find me and call me out to tend to my responsibilities. If only I could smell the rain as well, rather than a bit of sweat and morning breathe of garlic from the concoction I have been having us swallow to help ward off illness.

But anyway, it has been sunny and hot for days now. Our garden enjoys the sunshine, as do we. Saturday after the lawn being mowed and the baby being nursed and snuggled through a nap, the three of us met back up on the front porch and were enjoying a few rare moments to ourselves when I spotted them from across the corner. I saw them zone in on us and almost perk up as we came into sight. These people are always coming door to door around here, the same ones have been to our door more than a handful of times, but we were in their sight now, fleeing would be pointless.

So, we stayed put and as they approached us I let my husband take the lead. When they started talking religion he said he would rather not, yet they pushed forward. We listened kindly and let them have a moment of our time while I continued playing with my daughter and the outdoor gear catalogue we had just fetched from the mailbox. His talk began with mentioning marriage and divorce and how there is so much of it in our society...okay, yes, there is quite a bit...and how strong families are important...yes, agreed...but then it turned sour. With his foot resting on the stoop near my own and knee bent in my direction he quickly turned the discussion toward homosexuality and mentioned how if someone is homosexual it's okay...hmm..are we going to agree on something?...but then quickly said that it was a sin though and no different from adultery.

My mental brakes slammed down hard and I felt myself jolt in the chair beneath me. While I had been mostly quiet during this visit I promptly spoke up, telling him I need to ask him to leave, that he has his beliefs and I have my own and they are very different and that is fine but we just aren't going to be talking anymore. I was reeling myself in and keeping my composure and trying to stay calm and peaceful with my sweet baby girl watching all the while. As they walked away I felt so enraged, so intruded upon in my own home and was unable to shake this feeling for days, but, holding my daughter up in the air for a kiss and a snuggle I loudly proclaimed to her that our beliefs include loving everybody. Because, to me, two people loving each other regardless of their sex is in no way comparable to an individual cheating on the one they proclaimed to love and nobody is welcome to say such things in my home, in front of my daughter.

Then, on Sunday, we ran into an old colleague of my husbands and he spoke of his current job and where he was living, mentioning that him and his partner of 28 years had recently split, selling their old house and buying two smaller ones on the same block because they felt they had a good run and while they weren't in a romantic relationship anymore they were still best friends so they couldn't see living so far apart. That sounds more amicable than most divorces I have seen, that's for sure.  And while this doesn't prove anything, it made me feel better and caused me to smile in a very real way because I believe love is love is love and whoever it is that I pray to believes the same.


Linking up with Just Write

Wednesday, July 17, 2013

Slice of Life: Take 10

Perfect Combo / First Garden Treasures / For Garlic Lemonade / Kale-Splosion  / Bath and Books in the Early Morning / Tasty Supper

Our garden is small but mighty and giving us treasures for our bellies. Tonight our basil was whipped up into a dairy-free pesto, spread over toast and topped with fresh from the garden tomatoes...a very good choice. We also enjoyed our first harvest of kale over the weekend and there is plenty more to come. 

And the garlic? That was for our garlic lemonade. We have all been a bit clogged up and foggy in the head, with E having it the worst, so I thought it was time to try out the garlic lemonade recipe I had been eyeing in Naturally Healthy Babies and Children. We were worried it would be hard to swallow, but I think it's pretty tasty and I am glad to have this recipe in our arsenal. Now let us all hope this little bug passes us by just as fast as it came.

Just hopping around here, but you see that yellow box Iz is riding in? (since deleted) She loves it. I pull her all around the rug and she smiles and laughs. I love it too. We had to put her in disposables for a bit to treat what we thought was a yeast rash while we treated her cloth and while we now doubt that was what was really going on and she is back in her normal diapers I'm glad to have that yellow box to make her smile. 

And now back to snuggling my love. Hope you all are having a wonderful week.


Tuesday, July 16, 2013


This week I am grateful for... many ready to ripen tomatoes on the many plants in our garden.

...a warm bath with an Anne Lamott book in one hand and a cup of hot tea in the other.

...a wonderful sister who deserves all the best that life has to offer. slices with peanut butter.

...a group of other mothers to turn to for support and advice. skies, plenty of sunshine and a lovely family to enjoy it with. plums, nectarines and peaches.

...the ability to make as much milk as my baby needs and maybe the opportunity to be able to share some with others.

...being Iz's Mom.

What are you feeling most graetful for this week?


Monday, July 15, 2013

Just Me

I grabbed up my computer and hurried off to the bedroom this morning for a little time to write before the day getting started and E heading off to work, but here I am left wondering what I even have to say. It was a full and mostly great weekend. On Sunday we went to a Unitarian church to check it out as a place we may be able to find some community while I would be free to explore my beliefs and it was a nice place with nice people but I'm not sure if it will be right for us. It might be, but when sitting down in a pew with program in hand I started exploring what was inside and in the "joys and concerns" column there was a listing: "(Woman's Name), who is at home resting after being hit with a bullet on church grounds last Tuesday evening." E promptly said we wouldn't be coming there at night and I felt a little uneasy, knowing anything can happen anywhere, but being fully aware that there are some places in our fair city where those things are more likely. And with the anxiety I have experienced in the past couple of months being almost fully surrounding something bad happening to myself or the ones I love, well, this was not helpful. These are the times I wish I was raised with a strong religion and consistently given the time and support to explore my beliefs when I was young. I realize even then the belief system you are raised in may not be where you end up, but it would have been a good place to start or at least give me a foundation to work from. We went to Christian churches as a family on and off growing up, we went to a tiny little country church with my grandma as well, and an occasional church with my stepmother, but I don't feel like I ever received much of a religious education and feel a bit lost with it all and now everything began bubbling to the surface again as my anxiety came up and also as I approach raising a child of my own and wanting her to not have to feel the way I do in years to come. This journey of trying to figure it all out is a hard one but I am reading and exploring as much as time allows because it is an important one for me. Maybe I'll write about it from time to time because one thing I have learned is that it is not helpful for me to keep everything bottled up inside.

But yes, back to the weekend, we received some really good news on Friday (that I'll share at a later date when I have the all-clear from those involved) and it's kept me squealing with delight each time I think of it. Day-to-day life is going to taken an extra leap into awesome-town come late Summer.

And then there's our garden and the kale, cucumber and tomato we enjoyed this weekend. I love Summer.


Wednesday, July 10, 2013


Today I am grateful for...

...a skin to skin nap with my baby to start the day with connection. husband, how hard he works for our family and the love he has for us all.

...knowing a best friend has found a wonderful partner to spend her life with.

...water and healthy food to nourish myself and my family. mama tribe from nursing mom's group. gratitude journal to end each night on a positive note.

...finding my husband's wedding ring under the rug after a stressful day of it being missing.

...nature and a baby who is more entertained by her treasures than any toy money could buy.

...tasty plums shared with my daughter.

...having my brother, sister, and our families all together for a photo and a picnic, leaving me with a full heart and lots of photos for the wall.

...a new niece or nephew on the way come January. I am so happy for my sister-in-law, brother, nephew and our entire family.

What are you feeling grateful for lately?


Friday, June 21, 2013


I'm thrilled that it's Friday, ecstatic at the thought of two full days as a family and having time with the man that I love. Things are changing for me lately, gradually but also ever so quickly. It's quiet work, the kind happening beneath the surface and not apparent to those around you, but the most important kind of work there may be. My approach to life and the way I spend my days is changing. I want less time plugged in and more time tuned in, freeing my mind of the clutter and giving it room to rest and breathe. I want more time with busy hands and free thoughts, more time connecting with the earth and less with a screen in my view. More projects in my hands with  more items of beauty and function created. I long for less fear and more connection, for honesty and community and vulnerability. I crave slowing down and snuggling up, but also bouts of vigorous walking and lungs full of fresh air and a body warmed by the sun. My heart craves simplicity and my mind a simplified home. Things are changing, of that I am sure.

Monday, June 17, 2013


Oh friends. Oh me oh my. I don't know if anyone is still checking in here, but if so, hello. I have so much to say and so much going on in my mind and life, yet not much time to get it out of my head. I want to try to do so more often though as I find it to be a helpful addition to my days and also love the community it builds as well as giving me the ability to look back on moments, memories, and thoughts I may otherwise not capture.

Lately though, I have been focused on me. After months of relative new-baby normalcy, with it's own bumps and curves, but nothing too dramatic, I was left spinning the past couple of weeks. I was suddenly run over by the strongest and most debilitating anxiety I have ever faced and was left barely able to function. Tearing up constantly, laying in bed for over 5 hours with no sleep coming my way, feeling so distant from all, afraid of every single car or person that passed me by. While I am still recovering from this and working to get to a better place, I feel a bit more capable and feel I am on the right track to continuing on to becoming more joyful again. A combination of lots of talking and opening up to those I love, some vitamins, lots of affirmations/thinking/reassurance, calcium-magnesium to help my body rest, good nutrition, lavender essential oil spray, an occasional dose of homeopathic chamomile and as much exercise and rest as I can squeeze in...these are things that have been helping. If you have any other advice I am open to any and all, so long as they are breastfeeding compatible. I did buy a bottle of motherwort but one of our midwives said it can be addictive to some, so I am steering clear for now as that's not a road I want to travel if not totally necessary.

Otherwise things are going okay. We have been talking more and more about our plans on moving closer to where E works and where we spend almost all of our out-of-house time and are making a plan of attack. While this won't happen in the next few months or anything, knowing we are moving in the right direction and knowing we will one day in the distant (but not TOO distant) future we will have more minutes in each day to spend as a family and so much less time in the car, is wonderful. We took a really long walk around one of the areas we love on Father's Day and I could really envision us building our lives there and how big of an impact it would have on our lives. We have to get through the tough stuff to get to that point, but we are in this together and are determined to make it happen.

Okay, just a little random check-in. I hope everyone is enjoying the soon-to-be summer weather and as much family time as you can.


Monday, June 3, 2013


Today I am grateful for...

...a husband that got me out of the house and into the strawberry fields when it was very much needed.

...a daughter that fills my heart with love and challenges me to be a better version of myself each and every day.

...the ability to dream and hope.

...plants growing and growing and growing in our gardens.

...the chance to start on a new foot each day and try to make it a wonderful one.

...cloth diapers. from the storms. only being one month out until my entire family is together.

...a smoother day than we've had in weeks.

What are you feeling grateful for during this first week of June (can you believe it?!)?


Monday, May 20, 2013


Today I am grateful for... husband and my daughter, always and forever.

...our safety. I am going to assume these terrible storms and tornados are going to pass us by without a hitch (while being prepared to flee to the basement if necessary). siblings. I don't currently get to see them all that often, but am forever thankful for them being in my life. And wouldn't you know it, on July 5 we will all be in the same place at the same time for family photos, even all of the spouses and kids. That hasn't happened in ages. 

...the strength to challenge myself.

...friends in other countries that cause me to smile when I open my mailbox.

....a new garden that is almost ready for planting. We will have a shorter season this year, but it will be ready and waiting for us even earlier in Springs to come. 

...time to plant a few seeds in the already established garden where my strawberries also reside. Cucumbers and three types of lettuce are in the ground and the cucumbers were already peeking through today.

...block feeding and seeing more curds in my girls diaper. This is maybe TMI, but after struggling with oversupply for so long I finally have hope that we will have a rash free bottom and a more relaxed tummy here soon. love love.

What are you feeling thankful for these days?


Monday, May 13, 2013


Today I am grateful for...

...being able to choose who I spend my time with and communicate with, knowing surrounding myself with positivity will help me move even closer to the life I imagine.

...a simple and lovely first Mother's Day weekend with my sweet daughter and husband.

...a Mom who loves me endlessly and is intensely silly to boot, can't wait to see her tomorrow.

...the way my heart swells when my husband has walked our daughter to sleep in the ergo and she is snuggled into his chest, sleeping peacefully. My heart melts each and every time.

...finding a group of other nursing moms to meet up with each week. 

...dietary changes that have made a remarkable impact on my daughters comfort and attitude. She has never been this happy. 

...a hummingbird at the feeder while eating lunch with my family and plans to plant flowers for them, the butterflies and the bees.

What are you feeling grateful for today?


Tuesday, May 7, 2013


She's been resting soundly for going on thirty minutes since nursing to sleep. She giggled and hooted for awhile but finally gave in to slumber, nestling into my side as she does each time we find ourselves in this position. With a grumbling stomach and a full bladder my body is urging me to flee and with enough time having passed I feel it is safe. Yet, when I slowly roll away, peeling our bodies apart as gently as I am able, she rolls toward me, kicking one leg onto my thigh, latching back on and wrapping a tiny hand around the thin green cotton of my shirt, silently begging me to stay. Though I can smell vegetables sauteing on the stovetop, can feel my bladder becoming fuller by the second and have an endless list of to-dos, I stay. We snuggle close, our limbs intertwined and her face more relaxed than I have seen it any other day throughout this challenging week of teething. I try to engrave these moments into my memory, the synching of our breathe, the sharing of our warmth, the way her small round cheek feels resting upon the skin of my breast for I am wise enough to know these moments are finite, the ones I will miss most when they have passed.


Linking up with Just Write

Monday, May 6, 2013


Today I am grateful for...

...a Sunday with a baby whose mouth was open quite a bit, but this time to aid in her screeching and saying Mama rather than out of pain. dollar starter plants from the community garden sale to replace some of those that my lovely pooch demolished, all sorts of lovely heirloom tomatoes, a bit of mint and a couple pots full of lavender. 

...a week of seventy degree days on the horizon. nursing bras to bring me from feeling frumpy to being a bit more put together while still being able to easily meet the needs of my little nursling.

...all things green and edible, asparagus, broccoli, spinach, big bowls if mixed greens. I can't get enough. 

...a husband who does so much for our family each and every day.

...women who can tell my baby is breastfed just by noticing her "nursing jowls". I wonder if I'll be able to tell the same one day? It made me smile to connect with someone in this way.

...tickles to baby armpits that leave her shaking with laughter.

What are you feeling most grateful for today?


Tuesday, April 30, 2013

Never Dull

Life as I's mom is incredible, anxiety-producing, often hilarious, and never dull. Yesterday we traveled to my own mom's house and the morning went so smoothly that I once again felt like we had hit our stride and like I had a handle on this whole motherhood business. A relaxing stroll through a thrift store left us both with a fuller wardrobe and when shopping for nursery plants with Grammy Isadora had everyone flashing smiles her way as she flashed many of her own.

Later that afternoon things got interesting as she was holding her mouth open and would never let it fully close. All the while she would give out a breathy sound, much like she does when you try to let her explore any solid foods. On a walk in her stroller, not her favorite thing, but necessary with the heat of an afternoon in the 80's, she finally seemed asleep, but when looking down her mouth was gaped open in the same fashion and she was so still I insisted on checking to make sure she was okay, convinced that she was having some kind of allergic reaction to the early Spring air and couldn't possible be breathing. My checking on her, paired with a rumbling motorcycle, caused her to wake and the tears to start rolling and the day didn't get any easier from that point on.

And today? Today was like the kind of comedy that has you laughing but is almost too painful to watch. The mouth gaping started early on and my usual nursing-every-two-hours-like-clockwork baby refused to latch on for over five hours. I was dragging the pump around to make up for the couple of feedings she had skipped and trying all sorts of tricks to get her to take some milk, even if it wasn't from me. Turning to Dr. Google only had me more afraid as I saw posts about 7 day nursing strikes. With a baby who won't take a bottle, isn't interested in a cup and is obsessed with nursing, the thought of 7 days of refusing the breast was terrifying. Luckily, with a trick of her swing and some Bob Dylan (of course) she fell asleep for a short spell and I scooped her up and to the breast right away once her eyes popped open, tricking her into eating before she had a chance to remember her sore gums. 

Often when I tell my sister about I's behaviors, she says "Of course she would", it's almost a running joke by now...Of course she would throw up when getting even a bit of solid food into her mouth, Of course she would be the one to not want to nurse while teething, Of course she would scream when anyone else dare to touch her. Having a sensitive and particular baby is quite the adventure, but the wonderful thing is her ups are just as intense as her downs and we love her through every minute of it, as we climb those hills with her to enjoy her ups and as we are all toughing it out through the lows. No, life with I is never ever dull.


Linking up with Just Write.

Monday, April 29, 2013


Today I am thankful for...

...these gooberific animals. They are so silly and make for an endless cleaning list, but they always make all three of us smile and my ol' girl can always provide the comfort I need with just a chin rested on my knee.

...the little terry cloth teether to hold ice cubes for my teething baby.

...a husband who is kind and loving.

...warm days that allow for spending plenty of time outdoors with my daughter.

...thrift stores and the ability to clothe myself, my daughter and my home for small amounts while also reusing. Everything is blooming and turning green (and many other beautiful colors) and it has done wonders for my mood.

...friends near and far.

What are you feeling most grateful for today?


Tuesday, April 23, 2013

Milk and Lavender

She wants to be close but in control of the closeness, something I can certainly understand even if it is hard to resist pulling her in snuggly against my stomach and chest to feel her heart beat against my own. I settle for a hand on her stomach to feel her breath as my eyes do all the exploring, they travel across her tiny bump of a nose, her smooth eyelids and full eyelashes and the curves of her ears with a small edge of skin along the top much like my own. My skin can feel her warmth radiating from her own and my nose catches wafts of lavender mixed with the sweet smell of milk on her breath and the less than sweet bits of milk on both of our clothing. As she sleeps I dream of a future with room for her to roam in and with nature, feel soft soil squishing between her toes and with the ability to know the trees and creatures by name. I want to give her everything that I have found beautiful in this life while also watching her identify beauty all her own. Parenting is hard in ways that were incomprehensible until she was here in my arms, it is frightening and terrifying to want to do the right thing but to have to decide those right things all on your own, with no other to point blame at if those rights turn out to be wrongs. There is only growing and changing and just really it is so much of the growing on your part that is the most surprising of all. The person I am becoming is required to find confidence and a certain bluntness I am not accustomed to but that I am hopeful I can grow into as time continues to move with no ability to slow it down, I can only hope to catch it from time to time and snuggle it close for those sweet wafts of milk and lavender.


Linking up with Just Write

Tuesday, April 16, 2013


Today I am thankful for...

...this silly grey cat. She can drive me crazy with her catish ways at times, but she is as sweet as cats come and such a great friend to our daughter already. 

...knowing that my family is safe and sound.

...a job opening that will allow my brother and his family to move back this summer while he also continues to do what he loves. I thought they planned on staying where they were forever, so this is the greatest surprise. sister having goals to be back by Summer 2014. To think, in 15 months we will all be together again. The anticipation is almost too much, but it is an anticipation I am grateful to have.

...a husband that works to understand my past experiences and how they have shaped who I am today and how I approach the everyday, integral to our communication, these conversations. Mom. She's had her own rocky road to travel and our relationship has had it's ups and downs, but I am forever grateful to have her in my life.

...pumpkin muffins brought to me bath-side when the day didn't go as I had hoped.

...the kind and caring people that keep this world going round.

What are you thankful for today?